Mpls Monster Dash Half {recap}

Workout Wanda: Recovery…also code for “zilch”!

Monster Dash Half Stats: I finished the 13.1 miles in 2:06:51, which is an average pace of 9:41. I missed my half marathon PR {set back in 2009…} by 2:57 all because of a pit stop at Mile 5! Gah!


Hmmm…race morning. Nothing like weeks of sleeping in to make race morning feel like the worst thing on the planet. An alarm at 5am?! Are you kidding me? What the heck am I going to do on Wednesday when I have to be at work and functioning at 5am?! Pretty sure I’ll put my french press to good use!

Anyway, back to race morning. I got up and was all dressed before I managed to dig up enough energy to annoyingly wake Chris up. Lucky man. I nommed on an Asiago bagel and sucked down some Mt Dew {yes, Mt Dew, don’t judge} then we were off…to the car.

Recyclops CostumeRecyclops Costume

Costume Note: I am Recyclops…from The Office…only cuter. Its from Season 6, Episode 11. Check out the clip, you’ll understand…a little. I modified it to work for me and running! And you’ll have to follow the links, its not letting me embed!
NBC Clip:
Facebook Clip:
YouTube Spoof:

The plan was to be parked by 7:30am. That plan was tossed aside when we got stuck in some disgusting traffic! I’ve never had traffic issues with Team Ortho races before so I was totally not prepared. We spent a solid 15 minutes waiting to get off the interstate and another 10 trying to get into a parking garage. Not cool.

Amy & I met up for .7 seconds before we jumped into the mass of people at the start.

By the time we made it up to the start area we only had 15 minutes to spare – and the porta potty lines were a lot longer than that. Definitely not cool. I had to pee, badly. But I also had an overpriced race to run…so I ran.

Monster Dash Half Marathon Start
Just before the start…see the start banner way up there?!

The half marathoners and 10 milers all started together and for the first time in my short life Team Ortho has a staggered start. Thank goodness! I lined up around the 9:30 flag and could see the 2:05 pace group about 100 feet ahead of me. In the long run I knew this was optimistic but I didn’t want elbow my way through the first 5 miles. My placement actually worked out great.

Monster Dash Half Marathon Start
Closer to the start, waiting for our wave to take off!

We crossed the start line and I was immediately on the lookout for bathrooms. When I was standing still I needed to pee…when I was running I really, really needed to pee. The first porta potties I spotted were at Mile 3, and they had a good 15 people milling around them. Um, no. I can hold it, tyvm.

Monster Dash Half Marathon Course
Beautiful fall colors…something I seriously miss out in CO!

I have absolutely no idea what my pace was as my Garmin was back in Colorado but I was feeling good. Aside from a bladder that resembled an overfilled water balloon I was doing great. By mile 4 I had passed the 2:05 pace group and was zoned out. Perfect.

Well, perfect expect for the part where my bursting bladder was becoming increasingly painful. Almost tear worthy painful. I needed to pee, badly. I seriously considered just peeing on the run…then I thought about the fact that my race clothes were going to get stuffed into a carry on bag and stowed below my seat on the plane. I needed a porta potty.

Porta Potty - Runner's Best Friend
t-shirt, decals and water bottles available at Family Fan Club!

Just before Mile 5 I spotted a group of 4 porta potties with only 5 people waiting. Score! I knew I’d lose some precious time but I had to pee! While waiting in line I got myself all ready to pee…the gloves came off, the camera went in the sports bra, the shirt was untucked, the SPIbelt was pulled up around my chest. I was ready…to wait for the longest pee’ers ever!

I watched the 2:05 pace group run on by and I considered latching on and forgetting the bathroom…then a door finally opened. I scurried into the bathroom and nearly toppled over. This was by far the most unstable porta potty I had ever been in! And I’m pretty sure it had tipped over at some point…the walls, floor and seat were slimy wet. Gross! Peeing on the run started to sound like a better idea! I did my business and got out quick.

For the next mile I put myself back together and mentally convincing myself that the stop was okay and definitely needed. Lets just say my bladder didn’t just feel full…it was full! I guess I’m glad. I would have been mad if I’d lost 5 minutes of running for a bladder of nerves!

But enough about peeing…if I keep this up I can be SUAR’s #1 {she is a CO runner/blogger who is very open about pooping, so I’d be her #1, get it?! It’s okay…}. I was so focused on getting my costume packed I’d managed to leave my Honey Stingers at home, next to my Garmin. I’d figured this out the night before and picked up some Swedish Fish. They did the trick – although I’m quite certain there are some official race photos with my looking all stupid as I try to dig Swedish Fish out of my molars. Sweet!

Monster Dash Half Marathon Course
Just before Mile 13…before I realized Chris was there taking photos!

The next couple of miles were uneventful. Its weird to look back and think “oh, mile 5-9 were pretty boring”…what the heck did I do to pass the time?! I must have seriously zoned out. I have that ability. On a good run I will zone out something fierce. I’ve had races on a double loop course where I don’t recognize anything on the second loop because I was so zoned out on the first.

I do, however, distinctly remember the point where the 10 milers broke off to finish. I remember being a tad bit jealous. I wanted to be done too! And I really wanted some water! Of course my fuel belt was also back in CO, although I don’t usually race with it.

We spent the next 3 miles watching the busses transporting the 10 milers to the half finish which is just evil. At times I kind of wanted to be on that bus but over all I never once hated the race. I was feeling strong, solid, awesome. I’m not going to lie, I hurt, but the pain wasn’t really affecting my mental game. I was going to finish this race and I was going to finish strong!

Monster Dash Half Marathon Course - Recyclops
“Oh, hi Chris! I suppose I’ll look alive!”

Chris was playing the part of super awesome husband and race photographer. This was a long U-shaped course so he hung out near the finish. I didn’t even realize he was there until I got quite close so he did manage to get a few traditional “look at me, I’m an idiot” race photos before I got my act together.

I told him I wanted to chop my feet off {the part that hurt the most} and kept on running. I was going to pass the girl in pink and maybe Darth Vader… I should have probably seriously kicked it in when I saw Chris but I was nervous. I absolutely hate the feeling of “omg, I need to puke” that comes after a extra long sprint. Somehow the finish line just keeps moving further away!

Monster Dash Half Marathon Course - Recyclops

As I crossed the finish line I saw the timer…2:11:xx…and I got mad. This was gun time so I knew it was about 5 minutes off. I also knew I spent about 5 minutes at the porta potty. This meant I just missed a half marathon PR…because I had to pee. I wanted to just let myself be angry but I knew I had run a great race. Had I not stopped to pee I would have easily finished ahead of the 2:05 pace group.

My legs are able, my lungs are able…my bladder needs a little training. Or maybe I just needed to get up a little earlier and get to the race start in time to pee before the gun went off. Hmm, that is quite a concept, I should consider it! Overall, I’m happy with my race!

After meeting up with Amy at the finish {she ran the 10 mile} we all started our walk back to random parking garages. In the car I proceeded to change out of sweat soaked running clothes and into clean running clothes. For some reason Chris didn’t want me gallivanting around the airport in costume.

The amount of sweat that soaked my clothes made me very glad I choose to stop at a porta potty rather than pee on the run…that would have ended up rather disgusting, especially on the plane! Compression sleeves and comfy clothes made the flight bearable. We even saw another Monster Dash jacket in the terminal!

Our timing was perfect – without rushing we managed to get to the car, get stuck in more traffic, fill up the gas tank, return the car to Hertz, print out boarding passes, meander through airport security and still have an hour to spend far too much money on airport snacks. We rock!

Monster Dash Half Jacket & MedalMonster Dash Half Jacket

We made it home alive and well. I didn’t hurt nearly as bad as I had expected after the flight although my knees and hips are seriously feeling the rather of my shoes – definitely getting new ones. Team Ortho did great and I am loving the jacket – it goes great with the light hoodie from last year, although I really wish it had pockets!

But enough about me and my running…let’s talk about someone else! Chris’s cousin-in-law {or something along those lines…}, Kevin, also ran the Monster Dash Half as his first ever half marathon and he completely dominated! He finished in 1:44:46, a perfect 8:00 pace!

Monster Dash Half Marathon - Pittsville High School Basketball
Just before Mile 13…checking the watch, and potentially talking himself to the finish!

Monster Dash Half Marathon - Pittsville High School Basketball
Powering on to the finish!

Of course he also ran in costume – if you are part of Chris’s family you do not pass up the chance to do something in costume. That outfit he has on…an authentic Pittsville High School basketball uniform from the 1970’s! We should have planned ahead – I have a pretty sweet PHS cheerleaders uniform from the same era stashed away…

So there you have it – a very wordy recap from yesterday’s Monster Dash Half Marathon! Not nearly as many photos as I had hoped but around Mile 5 I stashed the camera because I wasn’t feeling it. I’ll be back with more official race photos once they come out!


Mpls Monster Dash Half {recap} — 10 Comments

  1. You had a great race, even if you did have to stop & pee. Love your costume! I am so jealous that this race group gives out jackets and hoodies, that is awesome.. Although I’m sure you pay for it in the race fee?
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    • Thank you! Team Ortho does this race as well as about 5 others in the Minneapolis/St Paul area and they are known for having awesome swag. The race fee does reflect the swag – paid $75 +online fees a month out – but it still isn’t as bad as the RnR series and you can run a Team Ortho full for under $80-90 if you sign up at the right time…not bad.

    • Thanks! The weather was amazing…which is surprising for the midwest on race day! 😉
      And it was nice to be back in WI and see everyone but we are definitely starting to think of CO as “home”.

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