I am feeling oddly guilty today.
It really is rather ridiculous and I’m fully aware of the sheer lunacy of this guilt but that doesn’t make it vanish. Nope. Not even a little bit. Not even multiple trips up/down the stairs to my 12th floor office just to stay warm is making this guilt go away.
What have I done to bring on this guilt?
I didn’t run.
On a rare day in Colorado when the high didn’t make it out of the single digit temperatures I chose to stay burrowed under the blankets with the body heat of two toasty cats and a hot husband. They were all radiating heat and sleeping so peacefully. I didn’t want to wake them up. Besides, I was tired and none of my usually AM running buddies were meeting me. No motivation, no accountability, no running.
I piled on my layers before heading to work and was prepared to suffer on the short walk to the car. But I didn’t. Instead I marveled at how nice it was. Sure, it was freaking cold, about -10 according to my phone, but it wasn’t windy and the sun was shining brightly. I immediately regretted not running.
As my Forester attempted to warm up I scrapped the ice off the windows without getting cold. I have perfected the art of layering! It wasn’t that cold…I should have gone for a run. The trees were gorgeous under a layer of frost, the snow glistened and crunched under my feet and the world was peacefully silent. Why hadn’t I gone running?!
I was angry with myself. Why had I bailed on my usual Thursday morning run? Because of a little cold. That is a stupid excuse. What if its cold on race day? Am I going to bail then? But what race was I so worried about? I’m not officially in training for anything.
Regardless, I decided to go get shoes + layers to take to work with me for a lunch run. As soon as I grabbed my gear I realized my lunch hour was already claimed – I had a lunch date with the aforementioned hot husband, no way was I bailing on that to run in the cold.
So, there was and will be no running today. Like I said, I’m not training for anything, I’m technically not “missing a run” and it is ridiculously cold outside. Why do I feel so guilty for not running? It’s not like my perceived badassery is just going to disappear…right?! Right?
Yes…there is still time in the day but I hate the treadmill and running in the dark on ice seems stupid, not badass. Instead of heading outside to regain my dwindling confidence in myself as a runner I’m going to not run. And I’m going to be okay with it. I think. In about three months I’m going to be really grateful for the low mileage months I’m playing with right now, I need to remember that!